4:49pm, I'm getting ready to pack up and leave work. My cell phone rings, and the display is a 780 area code number that I do not recognize. The conversation goes a little like this.
Him: YO! WHO IS THIS?!
Me: *annoyed by this greeting* Who ARE YOU?!
Him: DON'T PLAY DUMB WITH ME! I WANT TO KNOW WHO THIS IS?!
Me: Who are you looking for?
Him: YO! DON'T MESS WITH ME! I WANT TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND WHY YOU'VE BEEN TEXTING MY GIRLFRIEND!
Me: I think you may have the wrong number...
Him: DON'T LIE TO ME. I WANT TO KNOW HOW LONG THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON. I'M SOOO ANGRY RIGHT NOW, DON'T MESS WITH ME!
This disjointed conversation goes on for a few minutes before I finally tell him he's an asshole and hang up.
The takeaway lesson: if you think your girlfriend is cheating on you, and you're going to confront someone about it, at least get the phone number right. Otherwise, that mistakenly identified person is going to call you out on the internets for being a complete douchetard. I wish I had goaded him on for a bit longer - I would've ended with "I don't know the first thing about your girlfriend, but I can tell why she cheated on you - because you're a faaacking moron!"
If you're feeling bored, feel free to call up this number (780-919-XXXX*) and tell him what a wonderful dirty time you just had with his girlfriend in the back of your Volkswagen, or the closet, or with your 16 best friends at a drunken frat party, or anything else your vindictive little minds can come up with. Hilarity will ensue, I guarantee.
And before I sign off, here's a timely photo that I recently took on a photowalk. I imagine the assclown protagonist of this story to look a little bit like this:
*Update Feb. 9/13 - It turns out that this whole episode was a prank call from one of my buddies using a phone spoofing website (generates a fake caller ID display), so I have removed the number, just in case some of you decide to take up the offer to harass that number. Note to all - Prank Calls are like one night stands - fun in the moment, but oh man, the very unintended consequences.