Wednesday, November 5, 2014


Lately, I've been thinking about the classic game, Oregon Trail. Mostly because the phrase YOU DIED OF DYSENTERY has somehow gotten stuck in my head. But also because the world we live in today can be a pretty absurd, depressing and scary place, not unlike the perils that faced the poor pioneers in Oregon Trail, set in the 19th century.

In the game, causes of death included things like cholera, dysentery, measles, typhoid, broken legs, drowning while fording streams, and getting your food and livestock supplies jacked by some asshole thief... it was a tough world for pioneers.

If we were to remake Oregon Trail, with relevance to 2014, the death scenarios would be a little more like:
  • John died of Ebola.
  • Cam drowned in a lake, because Apple Maps directed him to drive into it.
  • Jenna has an anaphylactic reaction to soy milk in her non-fat Starbucks latte.
  • Edna is blinded by pepperspray during a Stanley Cup riot.
  • Kandi gets sepsis from a botched "third boob" implant surgery.
  • Gurpreet was run over while texting and walking into traffic.
  • Kristy's naked photos on iCloud were leaked online, so she committed suicide.
Ebola notwithstanding, the Pioneers of Oregon Trail would probably think we're a strange bunch of morons. Having conquered so many medical causes of premature death, we've managed to create so many other inventive ways to die.

And because I couldn't find any other fitting photo for this post, here's another in my series, The Dead Bird Diaries.

The Dead Bird Diaries

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